len kun atelier

2010-07-31T05:39:00.000-07:00

it's been months since I posted something...

I have millions of things to write

but for today I just start by posting my new favourite song.

Enjoy!

"Come Home"

One Republic feat Sara Bareilles

[Verse 1]
Hello world
Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I’m young
For speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right
But I’m tired of justifying
So i say you’ll..

[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oh

[Verse 2]
I get lost in the beauty
Of everything i see
The world ain’t as half as bad
As they paint it to be
If all the sons
If all the daughters
Stopped to take it in
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin
It might start now..Yeahh
Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud
Until then

[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home
Oh

[Interlude]
Everything i can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why i need you here
Everything i can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why i need you here
So hear this now

[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home
Come home

Melancholy of Drama

2010-04-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

I learned long time ago, to quit when I am ahead, to stop when the line I’d drawn was crossed. Here I am again, repeating the same mistakes I’d made long ago. Only this time, I learned from my mistakes and I quickly pulled myself backward.

I knew my friends would notice the difference too that...
we haven’t been laughing together a lot lately.

Yesterday I sorted out the drama I am facing . The exact drama that both of us should have sorted out long ago, but ego and stupidity got in between of us resulted in DRAMA and more drama.Besides, being me made it almost impossible to avoid dramas.

Since the drama ended yesterday, today's episode is one happy installment. Finally we're able to sit around the table and laughed out loud again.
These friends drama reminds me of Honey and Clover.

What My Friend Told Me

2010-04-06T22:26:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine told me.

If you are mad at someone, think of all the good things that he had done to you

But it hurts even more thinking that...

All the good things you did, they had all gone unappreciated

Between The Devil and The Deep Blue Sea

2010-03-22T22:30:00.000-07:00

There are few things i am glad i didn't do before the accident...
a few hours earlier...

It suddenly hit me that I should go and spend some time together with the others at the library.
They were all going by car, so it left me having no choice but to go by motorcycle.

Daus and I, we went early so that we won't be late for our McValue Lunch.

Before going out, I almost wore my Topman pants and cardigan, those are my favorite pieces of clothing that I most adore. Instead I didn't wear them, I chose my SODA pants to go with my favorite Jefferson shirt. I didn't feel like wearing any cardigan today of unknown reason.

Then I grab my shoes and bags, march to Daus's room and went straight to Alor Setar.

I was texting AJ while I was on the motorcycle, I was t the back and Daus at the front.

Then out of nowhere I saw an old man crossing the street without looking back and forth he crossed the street leaving us having no choice but to avoid him... and TAADDDDAAA... the rest is history.

Upon falling i remember looking at the phone, to reply AJ's text. I remember the pain of using my hand to cover up my face from being damaged. I remember saying "DAMN! we're late for McValue Lunch". And I remember feeling glad I didn't wear my Topmans.

Damaged was only minor, to my right hand(the cut is deep, so it'll take a while to heal and stop bleeding).
Some tiny spots above my knees and damaged to my exquisite Springfield bag. And the things inside it were mostly broken.

PS: the title is called Between the devil and the deep blue sea because either my clothes or skin, both are equally bad if they're damaged!

Sometimes Love Comes Around

2010-03-07T09:41:00.000-08:00

I like you… I want you to be my boyfriend…

Oh…ummm…

It took him a while to answer the question prompted to him, no he did not expected those words to be uttered. After all they had only known each other less than a year…
It took him almost a year to answer that one simple question. A year later, they met up, this was the first time they had laid eyes on each other. They had never met before.

Do you still like me?

Umm… I have never stopped loving you.

He had never been in a serious relationship before, never ever in his life.
Love came knocking in front of the door to his heart, bringing him a golden opportunity upon him for once to love and being loved.
Yet, he said… No.

He knew he would be regretting every words he said, but his heart belonged to someone else. Never in his life had he ever met someone that possessed almost everything that he had been looking for with someone to start a relationship with— spectacles, tall, soothing voice, adorable and things that made him happy.

He is too naïve, too childish. He wanted to feel love but he himself failed to understand what love is.

Back to School

2010-02-21T06:54:00.000-08:00

Despite what my group-mates or other groups had been saying. I honestly enjoy going back to school, this time not as a student but as a teacher (well not really a teacher but teacher-in-the-making to be exact).

Assalamualaikum Cikgu…

That was like the proudest thing for me to listen to.

I did feel a little bit guilty toward my other group-mates because I am the one who really wanted and insisted on coming to this school. Its an all girls school, an elite cluster school, in short it was one hell of a good school.

The reason I kinda like insisted on coming were that, yeah I too wanna feel being in a good school. I had spent almost all of my school-years going to 'bad' school or I too wanna feel being in a single sex school.

I was very excited! Hello school!

This was my first time sitting among the other experienced teachers in the assembly, I sat on the second front row while nervously pretending that I am too a teacher there. You just don't know how I it felt when we received a very warm welcome from the school with a loud round of applause.

Yeah! I did get teased by the teachers and even the principal for being a young(hunky) male teacher in a sea of girls there!

Sitting on the stage observing the students from up there, it very much reminded me of myself few years back in school. I said to myself

Hei! I used to speak like they did while the teachers were giving their speeches up front. Did the teachers used looked at me the same way I looked at these students( from up there I can see every students-speaking,playing and ebven those who yawned)

Funny how I had forgotten how fun school was for me, or how bored and happy it used to feel being at school few years back. I love schools.

Tomodachi

2010-02-17T03:11:00.000-08:00

The best thing about holiday was that, it was the perfect time for everyone to get together. Well, since I am now officially living in the HOTTEST state in Malaysia (as stated in the news), we had to lepak-lepak during the night ONLY. Yeah it was 30 degree something out there! The heat could burn you to death, its hell out there!

It’s good that we had the chance to get together again, I don’t really have lot of chance hanging out with them, even if I had the time, they didn’t. Everyone’s busy with their own life, the last time we get to hang out like this was way back last year at Milo’s house—if I am not mistaken.

I’d known Milo for more than 10 years now; she is currently studying in Selangor— striving to become a nurse. Funny knowing it, after all she’s not the girly type of girl.

I went out as early as 8 to her house, only to know that the boys will only be there around 9. I don't know what the heck am I rushing for? So I suggested we went to The Store first, instead of just pointlessly waiting there at her house. After all, I am in desperate need to find myself new CDs. I know that I could have only downloaded the thing online, but I am bad with technologies—really bad!

I bought a self-titled album from The Script, it’s an old album and I never really like them though they had been in the industry for quite a while. After listening to some of their songs, well they were quite nice actually, I am a fan! Then we went down and Milo treated me a sundae cone and damn I heart sundae!

Around 8.45 we went to the Kedai Char Koew Teow to meet the boys. It took about an hour for them to arrive, but time went by unnoticed as Milo and I had gazillions of thing to talk about.

from left Ikram, Li, me, Amzar and Arif

The thing about that night was that there were fireworks in the sky, dunno where they from but they were surely gorgeous—been a while since I last enjoyed fireworks that close, what a happy day! It’s sad that Din and Fifi couldn’t make it that night, it would had been even gempak if they were.

Milo and Ikram

Ikram and Jazli, love thier konon-konon indie-styled hair

The next day, Milo and I went all the way to Padang Besar as she needed to buy her friend a teddy bear. It’s cheap over there but the quality was really awful, I really don’t suggest anyone buying things there.

Of course we took our time sightseeing around Perlis before heading home. Perlis is a small state, very small. It took us only a while to go to Kangar. We went to kill some time—what we did was simply sitting around chit chatting while having air kelapa and rojak. There’s not much of a thing that you can do in Perlis, we barely had a shopping complex, Cinema? Bowling center? Don’t mention about it. Enough say, the people there enjoy a simple traditional and conservative life. Which I am used to and looking forward to end it soon hahaha!

the pic was awful since there was no one to snap it for us, but the view is nice though

Gosh I love holiday! More please!

i just wanna be...

2010-02-10T03:32:00.000-08:00

At the age of almost 20, he finally figured out what he wanted to do with his life. All the while he had been blessed with fortunate lucks—good fortune and lady luck was always by his side. Yet, of course things happened every now and then but those were minor things that he’ll end up forgetting the next day. Everything had been going so well lately, he couldn’t be more glad than he already was.

At the age of almost 20, he finally figured out what he wanted to do with his life—he just wanna be…happy.

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy
Just wanna be happy

"happy"
by Leona Lewis

The Choice

2010-02-08T07:33:00.000-08:00

Aku tengok Kris jap td….ensemmmmmmm!

Huh? Kat mana? And don’t tell me yg ko tngk kat dalam cermin (cause he thinks he looks Kris Allen)

Midvalley la…haha…

What!

Yeaps2… tengok dari jauh je tp sumpah hensem!

Kuno giler aku… dia datang Malaysia pon aku xtao!

Wish I could be there…

Yaaaah... That would’ve been funnn… haha…

Haha… what to do… Ur choice oh…

AJ! Don’t say that! Ko wat mcm aku made a wrong choice

Haha… Memang! U should’ve have been here! Tapi tapi tapi tapi… Ko da jauh… huhu…

I missed the life I once had… the choice I made…it’s my choice...

There Has Been Death In The Opposite Room

2010-01-29T07:43:00.001-08:00

I noticed people had been coming in and out of that room. People had been filling in that room since morning. I wonder why.

The room is in the other building across my room. Every day I stared at that room throughout my window, it was always empty. Whoever lived in it was rarely there I guess.
This morning there was an announcement in the hostel, saying something about one of our student had passed away. It didn’t hit me much, not until I discovered he lived just across my room. The room that was always empty as “he lived alone” they said.

That night, friends and classmate were lending their hands cleaning his room. I watched through my windows. Contemplating alone on what a lousy neighbor I had been this whole 2 years, I’d been here for freaking 2 years and yet I never noticed who and what was in that room—or the other rooms across my mine. Around eleven, a friend of him closed the windows, one by one, with the others waiting outside of his room.

It was a windy night and the moon shines bright, it was a gloomy night and some were sad. I watched a friend turned off the light, he closed the door, with prayers he walked away.

The Dream

2010-01-20T08:09:00.000-08:00

In my dream, I saw a boy years from now. By the way he looks, he has everything he could ever wish for, a perfect life, good friends, a comfy place to live, a person to share his life with and most importantly his dream job. He didn’t make much out of his job but just barely enough to fulfill his needs—clothes, foods and social tickets. He makes a living from arts, like music, fashion, photography or creative designs. It has always been his lifelong ambition to someday become one of those who creates arts piece of arts that everyone appreciates. Finally he is able fulfill his dreams and ambition, he never be more contended.

I dream of him a lot.

The Poker and The Joker Face

2010-01-19T07:11:00.000-08:00

I couldn’t sleep last night. I don’t know why, maybe it’s due to the fact that I slept half a day yesterday. Despite turning to bed early that was somewhere around 12.30, I can’t seem to fell asleep at all. Usually I find it easy for me to sleep but not today. I close my eyes still couldn’t fell asleep. It is frustrating knowing that tomorrow you have classes from 8am to 5pm and you aren’t able to have a proper rest.

Soon, I found myself, rolling back and forth on the bed, with eyes wide open and full of frustration. I am the type of person that had to have my beauty sleep and I found myself feeling depressed whenever I didn’t have some. While staring aimlessly to the ceiling, the clock struck 1.30am and I am still awake. Then, Rick and Mirul walked into the room, they were merrily chit-chatting till 2.30am. FOR GOD SAKE people, someone was trying to get his freaking sleep here!

I was too fed up to even stay in the room anymore, I texted Ain to see whether he’s still awake or not and as expected, the night was still young for him. I went down to his room…well it’s the only place I can (at the very least) entertained myself. This was not the first time I been there in the middle of the night, I always went there simply talking nonsense and committing more sins (we were never tired of badmouthing others).

Azril and Zac were also there. Zac was playing PES and Azril was absolutely clueless, by the way he looked, I know he was damn sleepy at that time. I got in and Ain was listening to his tacky songs and karaoke-ing along the songs…it was a nightmare! Not to bother him I turned to Azril as he was so excited to show me something. You may not know this, but the boys are actually far that what they usually portray, acting up all macho and hunky…they are way different!

Azril showed me a stupid magic trick, YEAH! A lame magic that doesn’t even deserve to be called magic. To make it worse, he had to at least repeated the trick twice to make it right. I laugh my heart out seeing him dreadfully trying to figure out what went wrong with the trick! OH yeah, I did requested for more tricks, it was AWESOMELY fun (I just need to have more).

After that, they clumsily kept making my sleepless night more pleasant. After a while, they all dozed off leaving me alone trying to convince them to stay awake and keeping me company. After a while, I found myself sleeping there till I don’t know what time and crawled back to my room.

That morning, I woke up late, with swollen eyes and looking all messed up! Lessons learnt… don’t fuck-up your sleeping schedule…

Sense and Sensibelonglity

2010-01-18T03:16:00.000-08:00

There was somewhere in this week, me and Ain, we were in the lab supposedly doing research on literature, symbolism and stuff. Like many others, we didn’t. All the while, what we did was talk about clothes, fashion, how to dress up preppy-ly and bla bla bla we chatted. Yeah! We boys do talk about fashion; it’s the necessity of life —even for Ain!

Browsing through fashion sites, looking at clothes and commenting on each and everything that catches our eyes! It was fun. Yet soon we realize how different we were in most of the ways. He likes to dress-up looking all preppy while I’ll go for bold choices and daring colours. Looking at the models, we would fight over which style looked better. It is ridiculous now to think ‘bout it, of course I would be arguing on his hippy, old-skool style and he would brutally criticize my style. Still, he would purposely let me win, I always did! (Evil grin)

Who cares if you have dull personality or crappy attitude (NO! It does not refer to me), but at the very least please do have a good sense of style, your own sense of style (even if it is a crappy shitty looking style). It is yours and learns to embrace people’s comments.

Sometimes After

2009-10-26T02:17:00.000-07:00

I thought the play was my memorable experience and my special moment to treasure but… turn out it was after the play… one sweet moment

A glimpse of happiness was on everyone’s face, now that the play was over, it lifted a big burden off everyone’s shoulder. Everyone worked their butt off for the staging of the play, months of preparation and practice, finally we did it. When everything went as expected, we can’t help but to celebrate it with smiles on our face.
Dressed up in my Lorenzo costume, I walked to the piano, I sat by Hayat who was playing the piano, serenading everyone there including myself. It was a quaint piano who knows how old it was or how long it had been there, but it worked well despite ages existed.

I sat beside her as quietly as I can, not a single word was uttered, not by neither of us. She was too engrossed in playing the piano, I could see her face enlightened in a different way every time she touched the piano. Hayat is different than the other pianist I’d known, she didn’t know how to read notes, but she listened well, well enough until she was able to play the piano only by listening.

I sat there, serenaded by her. Looking aimlessly, I was—no, everyone was tired including me. I was exhausted and my mind went completely blank after that. All that I could listen to was this sensational sound of piano in front of me. The soothing sounds wipe out the exhausted look on my face and it cleared out my mind.

Sometime after that, consciousness came in a small light flashes: that was when I realized she had stopped playing. I look at her, she smiled and I smiled back at her. That was when Intan who was just finished changing from her costumes to t-shirt came and sat beside both of us. I could see that, she too was impressed with Hayat.

Yat…play some familiar song for me…

A song that I would least expect anyone to play for me, one song that I had been addicted to for months and I knew she knew I like the song, I didn’t knew she could play the song though. It was Please Don’t Stop the Rain by James Morrison. Everyone who knew me well knew how much I am crazy for James Morrison. For some it might be just another ordinary song that you listened to over and over again. You may think it was just another song that you got addicted to and then you get crazy over it and for sometime later you forget about it. No… not for me and a lot of thing happened these past few days and this moment, It was like…MAGIC…the mood, the sound, everything was just perfect, perfect enough for me to cherish… I don’t know how to explain but I just know I like it.

Thanks Hayat.

A Piece of My Mind

2009-10-08T06:34:00.000-07:00

Last night I told my roommate that I am very happy with all of my classmates. When I first came into the class, I describe myself as being ‘STUCKED’ with this bunch of crazy people. After spending almost three semesters with them, I can now replace the word ‘STUCKED’ with ‘TOGETHER’. We had our differences, we our differences and we had faced our differences. Being with this 24 people from different backgrounds and different world, at times I can’t help but to laugh at each and every single one of them for having this too many personalities.

Today, our class organized a birthday party. I was just SO EXCITED about this party, I even bought a microphone and poppers just to make sure that this party went as planned. UNFORTURENATELY, things didn’t go as I’d panned it would be. It went superbly.

Lots of impromptu events that happened, candid moments to remember and most importantly stomach full of cakes and KFC, lastly bunch of ROCKSTAR WANNABES that think they can sing.

As claimed by my classmate Iylia, “good food+great music+nice moves+happy faces+laughing out loud+screaming your lungs out = one happy family…”

At the end of the party, we stayed for a bit longer and turn the party into despair…sang our heart out with miserably depressed songs…emo moment there! But those are just the IRONY of us!

Turning all those emo songs into fun and joyful song…just one of my many talents…hahaha

Hope we can keep this up till we are TOGETHER in… you know where…

I Am There

2009-10-05T06:26:00.000-07:00

We had a Raya celebration in the campus today, no class, no lecturers, couldn’t have been better. They whole class has been excited about it for months. We chose to be in the same color, green to be exact, so I had to follow them, even by wearing my last year baju melayu since mine was orange. I don’t mind at all, at least everyone will look picture perfect with matching color.

I was a bit tired, yesterday was hectic. All sort of thing happened at once. Today I woke very early, went down to HEP to take the register. Also to the car park, nobody was there except Sanak, Mimi and Akmar. We waited for the others to come. Looking all glamorous, they walk into the car park (where we had our raya celebration) only to know they had to count, divide and give sate to everyone else. We were laboring ourselves all day.

I was not feeling well, I didn’t show it though. It’s nice to know that Afiq noticed it, Afiq was with me since last night, since his roommate was not here, he hang out in my room. He said he only left my room somewhere around 4 last night. He said I couldn’t sleep well, but I didn’t realize it. He said I even woke up a lot, but my roommate was sleeping soundlessly. I didn’t realize I was doing that while sleeping. Maybe I was just too tired.

Everything turned out to be great today, the celebration was a blast. Everyone was happy, since we were all in the same color; pictures were awfully taken a lot. It’s nice to see everyone taking pictures with friends, smiling, laughing and joking around, every single one of us were happy. I too help to take pictures of others. After the class picture was taken, everyone gone berserk, they can’t stop snapping pictures among them. Everyone was happy including my good friends, all engrossed in taking pictures. Funny how my own phone was filled with their pictures instead of my own. On such a happy day, all of my good friends were happy, everyone was smiling and laughing, having fun. But they forgot me.

3# Bon Voyage (part 2)

2009-09-01T05:18:00.000-07:00

I am going to UK…

When?...

Next year…the year you would be coming back…the world stopped the minute she uttered the confession…he was completely and utterly shocked and surprised by it.

Sorry I could not be here…sorry…only tears that were able to accompany her confession…nothing else…not even her a slight regret cause SHE HAD MADE HIM FELT HER LOVE

The day was so cold …seemed as though as the earth was breathing cold breath, seemed as though as the sky was accompanying her tears with its rain. The sun too seemed to hide away its light… but not her; she can no longer hide her feeling nor hoe she felt. She had been crying all night long…inside and outside…she don’t show it much but inside only Lord knew how painful it was… at time she can even listened to her heart screaming, it is so much painful…nothing was more painful than losing the one you love.

If she can fix the time, she would turn it backward… and relived the day that they missed each other, the day the spent together, the day they uttered the word LOVE. Last night was one of the worst nights of her life... they texted each other. The conversation was more than just saying goodbye…it is the last goodbye…OH! HOW SHE WISH SHE COULD HAVE JUST ONE MORE DAY WITH HIM…just FOR ONE MORE DAY…nothing else. He said to her…

Take care of yourself…who knows what might have happened to us when I come back…we could be together or it could be the other way around.

If you find anyone better… go for it, you don’t have to wait for me…

Though he uttered the words…but inside he wish he didn’t…he don’t want to lose him… the same goes foe her…

She cried till her eyes had swollen… she told him the same… they both LOVE each other so much that they are willing to let one another go…a holy sacrifice for their LOVE…

Today was the day…she told herself.

Today was their 40th day being a couple… however, it is too short. They had known each other since school years… she wished they would have been a couple since that time. Today was supposed to be a special day for them… but…it was not.

Today everything seemed to be all wrong…in class she couldn’t concentrate at all… she was in class, but not her soul…her soul was with him…

For the last time he phoned her…moment before he sailed…

He took a deep breath…and finally… he… said…

Bye...

Goodbye my lover…

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love

"Make You Feel My Love"

by Adele

2# Bon Voyage

2009-08-31T04:45:00.000-07:00

Keeping a distance relationship was hard for anyone…everyone… when you are angry, sad or happy, you can’t express the feeling through emotion… emotion that you hope they would feel, they would see, they would understand …there’s a clear boundaries between the two of you. Not being able to see face to face, texting or phone were the only way to keep in touch. BUT! What happened when it all stop… when u aren’t able to do so anymore…What will happen if you can’t text, call, mail or even speak to your love one?

How would you feel, painful perhaps?

She never really talked about him… what else even mentioned a bit about him. It was a secret that she kept from everybody else… when asked about him, she never did say no or deny it, she just avoided those kinds of questions. People around her knew the existence of him in her life, but they pretended like they didn’t know it. Well it’s not because people didn’t expect her to have a special someone but rather, it was because people just don’t want to interfere with her life… that’s all.

Both of them were still studying. Being apart was not that hard, like any couple they handled it well. They phoned, texted and always kept in touch. Like most couple too…

They had their own secret…

A secret that both of them kept for so long from each other.

She was going away, to pursue her study…in UK for three years, meaning that she will be separated from him for three years. That’s why he never knew about her going away. She told everyone that she wanted to make it a surprise to him… in actual fact; she didn’t want him to know about it, at all. She didn’t want him to know that they will have to be separated for three years. It was just painful to think about it, being away…anything can happen…

He was also going somewhere but for only a year… he was happy about it. After a year of sailing, he would be a full sailor, with promising salary and good life. He knew he was going away from the first day he stepped hi feet into this Marine Academy, but he never told her about it. Who knows why… afraid of being separated too… maybe?

For a year they kept this secret, finally he told her…about him leaving soon, to sail on a ship for a year. No it’s not next year that he is going away! No it’s not next 6 month, it is somewhere around this coming weeks. She took it hard, very hard. Tears just can’t stop flowing. He wondered why? It would only be a year…just a year, time passed by so fast without you even realize it. A year is just a short period of time, a short period of partition…but why did she took it so hard? Why he wondered?

The answer that only she knew was that…by the time he would be back, she would no longer be here waiting for him…she would be in UK.

A friend said to her…

Contacting was just impossible, it is a SHIP for GOD SAKE…there’s no connection, no phone line, no internet, nothing…there’s nothing.

Another friend told her

but, surely the ship would dock up somewhere? Then they can start contacting each…

OK…if it was you, who would you call? For sure your family first kan?

See! I told u!

Yeahhhh… with that she just nodded, just that… and continue listening her friends debating

Up till now, she still hadn’t told him about her going away. A year of separation, without words or news, then has to be separated again for 3 years… will this relationship survive?

They both had dreams of their own… a dream that needed sacrifice… fate…please help them…

Sepi

2009-08-18T03:43:00.000-07:00

I can’t contemplate on what it feels like to be alone; I just know I don’t like it.

Truth be told, I don’t like being all alone. I am always with my friends—well at least a friend. There’s something about being alone that has always make me feel insecure about myself. Despite the attention that I get from the people around me, I still am all alone. I know that it was not the fault of anyone, it even has nothing to do with those who I called friends. IT’S SIMPLY MY FAULT.

At times I can be a little bit demanding. A little bit annoying to them. A little bit rude to them. I blame friendship for that. Friendship kept someone close to the other, but it is hard when you are too close to them. Too close to them up to the point that you demand them to understand you where as you yourself don’t understand yourself. I hate friendship for keeping me closed t someone (in particular), I hate friendship for it will hurt me, and I hate friendship for I need it.

Today I learned something that I have already knew, despite knowing it will (still) hurt me, yet why do I keep being in denial?.. Course that’s me…always denying and avoiding problems.

Though you are always with them, always together, inseparable in the eyes of others. That doesn’t mean you are closed to them. And I thought I was a closed friend. Silly isn’t it? How would you feel if it were you? Am I a friend? Sorry for being demanding… Just what am I?

Forgive me for being stupid to believe in the proverb ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’. Friends share problem—not all of them...but they DID. Friends don’t hurt others; even if they did they seek for forgiveness. A friend is more than just ‘a friend’ …there’s more to it…more to it…

The Friends

2009-08-18T03:05:00.000-07:00

I have only known them for a year. But if you took every memory, every moment, every day we spent together, every precious time we had…if you stretched them en to end—they’d reach forever.

Monkeys aren’t endearing at all...they are just cute (maybe)—UGLY but adorable. Monkeys are always with their brainless act, monkeys sleep a lot… talk a lot…play a lot…they fool around, joke around and laugh till they burst to tears. Monkeys are naughty and awfully mischievous. Always with their silly idea that seems so endless—there’s always something up their sleeves… one at a time and one after another. Monkeys bully each other, monkeys are bad…really bad. Monkeys are childish…always with their childish manner even knowing they are old.

Monkeys are ridiculously ludicrous!

As nonsensical as it may sound… monkeys are cheerful. Monkeys’ brainless act has always entertained people…put a smile on their faces and make them laugh, make people love them the way they are. Monkeys know how to have fun, know how to P.A.R.T.Y… wherever they are, whenever they are … surely there will be havoc…havoc with their chaotic manner and act. Monkeys are sensitive, so sensitive that tears can easily be shed. Most importantly, monkeys take care of each other…they think about each other, they help each other… In short… monkeys are true friends…they may be (a little bit) mindless but they are not senseless.

Outrageous isn’t, how monkeys could behave?

As for me… I am stuck with 5 monkeys… these monkeys…

They are my true listeners

My favorite’s monkeys

They bully me… they pick on me…but

We sing, laugh, we eat and we fool around…all together

They keep me company…

AND MY MONKEYS SEMUA BUSUK-BUSUK!

Hahaha…

Letter for My Bloody Valentine

2009-08-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

There’s a letter meant for me. Someone wrote it. It is NOT an ordinary letter, it is a letter from a friend to another friend expressing how she felt about him—that’s me. Truthfully written from an innocent heart composed with some of the honest words ever expressed, the words are carefully arranged, and the meaning of each and every words are deep, deep as her ‘love’ for him. The words are wisely chosen, yet simple and straight forward—I ‘like’ it! In other word…

It is a ‘LOVE LETTER’,
A BLOODY LOVE LETTER,
A BLOOD STAINED LOVE LETTER,
'A BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE'.

However, neither she herself nor the postman will send it to me. Though it was meant for me, but it was not addressed to me. Let just say, I won’t be receiving the letter, neither will I be able to read it.

WHAT A WASTE!? A letter which contains some of the most precious and stupendously written literature will not be read by her so-called ‘lover’? However, it has not gone to waste. I know it, I know all about it. I may not know every single detail about it, but I know what it is about and what she would want me to now. OH! How I ‘love’ her because of that, because of that (fucking) BLOODY LOVE LETTER.

I wish she has the guts to send me the letter. I’ve been waiting for it, even knowing that I will never ever get to lay an eye on it, I still hope for someday I am able to read it. I just want her to know that I ‘love’ her as much as she ‘loves’ me. All because of that BLOODY LOVE LETTER.

1# The Last Goodbye

2009-08-12T03:08:00.001-07:00

He had been waiting there for quite some time, but there was still no sign of her anywhere. He still waited there, by the café, by the place where they promised to meet…he has got no time to waste…he got a bus to catch; if he missed the bus then he would never be able to go home. He needed to go back home immediately…

This morning, he received the news that he needed to go back home…he has been offered to pursue his study in other institution…all of his friends were surprised by that news…especially his roommate, who has been down the whole day… he too didn’t want to leave but, it was his mother’s wish…

Today was the last day he would be here in the college. He had met up with all of his closed friends except for her… By hook or by crook, they have to meet …or they will never have to chance to utter the last goodbye…what else even meet…they both live in a totally different place...Meeting is just impossible for them.

With the bag firmly held in his hand…he looked up…staring hopelessly to the sky before he took the final step…he has to make up his mind now…and yes he did…he chose to leave...he has to leave…even without his last goodbye…he made his way to the bus station.

He ran to the bus station.

Then…he heard…

LEN! LEN! WAIT!

He could listen to her voice...he was happy to hear her voice for the final time…but…

But he kept running…he just knew that if he stopped, he would never be able to say goodbye to her, or his other friends…he would never be able to leave them. He avoided it by…keep running.

She chased after him…shouting his name…

Then, she stopped…she can’t keep up with him anymore…she stands there...Laughing…unconsciously…tears has flooded her eyes…she cried…crying and laughing at the same time…she can’t choose whether to cry or laugh…nor can anyone tell the difference between those two feelings…

He stared out, through the bus’s window…regretting what he had done…guilt had struck his heart, mind and soul…he received a text message from the girl’s friend.

Saying… she runs after you, but you didn’t stop, she cried dowh.

As much as he tried to be strong…the guilt had finally got into him…he cried.

A Promised that I Will Break

2009-08-10T04:44:00.000-07:00

The phone rang exactly at 12.12 p.m… I was listening to Archuleta’s while writing my previous entry… I was feeling tired…with class and all but I was happy at the same time… I am always happy (do I). I considered the time I spent in my class as a happy time. Sounds weird? Well I know that not many people enjoy being in class, what else lecture time…but things are different for me, I must admit IPDA is not as fun as a university would be, the environment is so…too school-like for me. However, going to class is a happy thing to do...because of the monkeys around me…5 monkeys in particular that had always made my day…they cheer me up when I am down… share my problems...gossips, tell stories…I love them…they are my reason to be here in IPDA…

I have a lot of friends...last week I went back to Perlis…I hate going back home…last week I went back because a friend of mine is going to start sailing soon…yes! Seriously, he is going to sail all around the world for a year…I have a sailor friend…haha!

He is a good friend of mine, had always been with me since I was in primary school… we met, we talk…we laugh…then I say goodbye to him…I know this is not our last goodbye…because we will meet again..I know we will, cause he only live a stone throw away from me anyway.

But...this one friend in particular…
She is also going oversea…this time, it’s for study purposes.
I only heard the news that she is going away for three years from my classmate…my classmate knew her from back when they are in high school together...they were schoolmate…

My classmate asks me…

Do you know that she get to go oversea?

I don’t know, but I answered YES I know.

Why did I lie? I don’t know…maybe because I was mad with her..mad with myself for not knowing the fact that my own good friends is going away…but my other friend knew it…I am also mad with her for not contacting me either… she didn't call me nor did she texted me. I couldn't reach her too.

Sitting here…alone in my room…my roommate, he has classes…my class ended early today...the lecturers are busy…we are happy when they are busy. because we get to go back to the hostel…I usually sleep whenever I don’t have class. But today, it was different; I was writing my entry (that is my previous entry).
I
n my head…I was thinking of her, because I just discover a shocking news from my UITM friend( the story is in my previous entry)…then I missed her…we used to study in the same place…UITM. She is INTEC…I was in the Faculty of Education… that was the first time we met..
I still remember my first ever words that I spoke to her…

Pendeknya hang!

Hahaha…stupid isn’t it...but those are the memories that we will both cherish…I just know it.

Coincidence or what (I don’t know)…my phone rang…it was an unknown number…I answered…and yes…it was her..the familiar voice that need not an intro.
She called me during the time I was missing her, during the time I am mad at her, during the time that I need to speak to someone.
Amazing how suddenly I my mood changes…the room was so silent that I could listen to everything she said, her ugly voice that I like and the sweet tone that I adore.

The conversation starts with a killer question from me…

Why didn’t you contact me in a long time? I call you, I texted you but no answer.

She lied about her phoned bla bla bla…I don’t care if she has more lies…for her to call me…was enough…she know that she is lying,I know she know that she is lying
but we don’t care, we treat it as a joke anyway.

I get on the bed… Happily mad at her, I removed every pillow on the bed. Kicking them with my toes…The phone was glued to my ear. We talk…about lots of thing, it makes me forget all about my problems
On the bed, I slide sideways and curl my feet, it makes me comfortable. Facing up the rear, I can see my roommates’ bed (tidier than mine)…usually I would feel bad for not being tidy but today…I don’t care…
It made me happy just to speak with her…even on the phoned
I MISSED HER…my good friends…

She is going away in about two weeks…she asked whether we can meet…besides tomorrow is her birthday.

I SAID, SURE WHY NOT PENANG THIS WEEEND?

She said ok

BUT…I JUST KNOW I CAN’T...with my current financial crisis…I don’t think it is possible for me to be there in Penang to meet her…it is just impossible… I KNOW THAT I WILL HAVE TO BREAK THIS PROMISE.

Sorry.

What do you want from me for your birthday?
...
I want you to always remember me...always keep in touch..just remember me always.

I will...

World That We Live In

2009-08-10T04:14:00.000-07:00

Why do people write blog?

She answered me with a quite convincing answer, I must say.

Well, writing makes you feel better. It is some sort of expressing yourself through words.But usually aku just merapu ja…

I like her answer...she is my classmate

I have friends who have been writing for ages, I guess?

She is one of those people that have been really active in writing blog.

Today, I opened her blog… I read it…I was surprised by words that she actually came out with…Confession, frustration and disappointment, all nicely written for me to read…is it for me to judge too...I wonder?

Are people like that?Are people really different that what they actually are...live?

I opened another blog...It was my friend's, my good… great friend…

I read it…I kept reading it, I can’t stop reading it…I was engrossed with his blog…surprised by the words that he actually come out with. It’s true that we haven’t actually contacted each other in a while, but…the changes that he experienced was too much for me to handle…the news was enough to make me lost in thought...Until a friend actually woke me up.

I thought I knew him more than anyone knew him…I was wrong all along

The changes that he experienced were not one of those changes that we can physically see, but...inside…

I was shaking, trembling…by that news…don’t know what to say...The fact that he actually confessed it made me even more surprised…as much as I hated rumors but it would really comes in handy at times like this…

Are people really different that what they portray in their actual life…in this so-called-BlogSpot is the place to be…different…

However…last night he already told me the news…he actually did…I don’t understand it, I ignored it, I don’t care…I regretted it…beside I’ve run out of credit to reply...But! The way he texted me, it seems like nothing happened.

I knew something was off, my instinct was correct…

But! How could he pretends like this is not a serious matter, like nothing big. Pretends that it is normal, no its NOT!

How did he expect me to act, to react?

Sitting here, now… should I called him and ask or should I pretend that it was a normal thing to be like…that.

Well…sigh…

Again I just don’t understand…still can’t understand.

Are people really that different personally?

Human…Human are hard to understand.

The Start Of Something New

2009-08-09T17:32:00.000-07:00

this blog has been existed for quite some time...
well it's not that I don't want to post anything or something
I am just too busy with...life.

today is the revival of my blog..
that's why I call it
'The Start Of Something New'
there's a lot of untold story to be told here..
i didn't make this blog for anyone in particular to read..

i made it for me..